Where to begin, where to begin? I guess the easiest place to start is from the start.
Growing up as a kid, I was an introvert. That part of me is almost gone...almost.
Throughout my school years, up through senior year in High School,
I was picked upon, called names and generally made fun of.
And my parents had taught me that you can just walk away.
This is a problem in school because you see the same people every day.
Being an introvert, I kept it all inside.
Anger, rage, depression - all my emotions.
I don't blame my parents, its genetics. That's what an introvert does.
I, as well as my brother, look like my father. And my sister looks like my mother.
This plus being called ugly throughout most of my younger years,
a logical thought process occurred...
If I'm UGLY and look like my father, then my mother & sister are BEAUTIFUL.
These days I do not consider my male looks to be ugly anymore.
Im a handsome looking guy as well as a pretty girl.
I'm not sure exactly when it started but it was definitely during puberty.
I started to try on and "borrow" my sister's & mother's clothes.
Sorry Mom & Sis...
Early stages of all this I wasn't sure what I was doing. I just liked the feel of some materials at first.
I don't recall some of the things I had at first but they were some odd things that barely fit.
I really don't know why I thought my mother wouldn't notice clothes missing.
Also, the smell became noticeable after quite some time. According to my mother.
So, one day, I came home to find the stash of clothes and things that I kept under my bed
was all over the place and my mother was throwing them out.
My brother & I shared the same bedroom. I was completely in shock.
Well, I wasn't sure what I was at the time or why I was doing it, neither did my mother.
So I was brought to a psychiatrist.
I don't remember what the psychiatrist asked, I just remember he was a jerk.
My mother told me later she agreed he was an ass too.
I only remember going once. Mom claims we went to 3 different ones.
Guess I blacked thoes memories out of my mind.
I guess after all that, my mother went into denial.
I vaguely remember her reading sex information books.
She even showed me a few paragraphs to read.
From what I recall, they were close enough to what I consider myself today.
Also during this time, I went into denial a few times.
I tried throwing out all of the clothes I had but could never part with a few items.
Which really sucks, because I had a few really cute outfits I still can't find again.
This is called "PURGING"
I can only hope my story helps prevent this form happening to others in the future.
At some point here, my brother moved to the basement of the house.
Giving me free reign of the closet to hang & hide clothes.
During college, I had a girlfriend named Jen.
She actually never knew or found out.
I have no idea how she would react.
Update: I'm friends with her on FB and she loves how I look!
After I graduated College and my sister graduated High School,
my parents and sister were moving to Arizona.
Why Arizona? I still don't know why...and I live here now
So I moved into an apartment with 2 friends. Scott & Joe.
It wasn't easy sneaking in new outfits or time to wear them with 2 roommates.
And unfortunately, I had to share the big bedroom with Joe.
Anyway, luckily he worked a night job, so I could easily sneak new clothes in and wear them too.
Im not sure if Joe ever found out, but I don't think so.
A few years in the apartment went by and amazingly I never had any "incidents".
It was around June/July 1999 when I decided it was time to change.
Become a better, less lazy and neater person.
During the 6 month period before moving to Arizona myself,
I guess I figured I could tell a select few friends whom I knew could handle the shock.
Ahh, Katerina. She rocks! I knew she could handle it.
She was the 1st person I ever confessed it to.
Next was Marty. That one was total fate.
I was visiting him in Pennsylvania for the last time before moving.
I was using his computer, IE to be exact, and noticed an unusual FAVORITIES folder called FETISH.
So, I nosed through his links. "Hmm, have that one. Have that one. Ohh! Don't have that one!"
I caught him outside for a minute.
I vagely remember the conversation..
"I noticed some interesting links you have there Marty."
He had that "Deer in the Headlights" look.
"Marty," I said, "let me tell you something.."
That was the most interesting conversation I've ever had in a diner at 1 am.
It was extremely liberating to tell people.
I had no idea what the pressure & burden of keeping it hidden was doing to me.
Then came December 22, 1999. Moving Day.
By the time I moved here to Arizona, I had quite a few clothes.
So, before my car was shipped here, I put all my regular and female clothes into garbage bags and put them in the car.
Any items I had hidden among them were stolen. But none of my clothes were touched. So, no big deal.
I quickly discovered what a treasure cove of stores there are here in Arizona!
Thrift stores! Goodwills! And alot more easily accessible Lingerie stores too!
Not to mention the abundance of nicely established Adult Shops here with a great assortment of clothes!
Trust me, the ones in NJ are really skeezy. And Fredericks outlets too!
They don't have them in NJ.
With the 1st official paycheck I got here I celebrated.
I went to the nearist Fredericks outlet in Fiesta mall.
I asked to see one particular outfit. The girl asked what size.
I did not know they sized in #s and not Small, Medium, Large.
She asked if it was for someone else or me.
Amazingly, I pointed to myself.
And without a flinch, she looked at me, said Im a 38 and asked if I wanted to TRY IT ON!
I was in shock. The only close by Lingerie store in NJ was a cute place called
Lingerie By Susan
and I always told both ladies there it was for someone else.
Im sure they suspected it was all for me. So, I tried it on in the store.
During the first 2 1/2 years here, I told a few people.
I was still going through changes inside my head. Changes I am really glad happened.
Which is why I was still not completely open about it yet.
I had moved into an apartment with my new friend Kelly at one point.
A pretty cool guy. I told him "just in case" he saw anything.
As usual here in AZ, a positive reaction.
There was a time when another friend, Bill, Kelly & I went to the Arizona Rennasance Festival.
We were in the large clothing shop next to the arena.
At the time, Bill did not know yet. Bill made a comment about how I had the right figure for it,
"Why don't you try on a dress?"
Kelly & I looked at each other because we both knew that Bill had no idea I would have been willing to.
It wasn't until June 2002, when I met my new group of friends when I started to come out about who I am.
A new friend Kre was talking about someone wanting her to make them a Sailor Moon costume.
Kre is a big fan of Sailor Moon, a sewing goddess & has a very good pattern for the costume.
When she turned towards me and said that I had the right figure & long legs for Sailor Uranus.
I thought about it, and gleefully said yes.
After all, it's a really cute costume and the character is a lesbian.
Which was fine with me considering I'll only kiss girls anyway.
I figured at that point, if I was going to wear that costume in front of all my new friends,
I might as well tell them everything.
They all accepted it like it was nothing. Its so relieving!
Just to remind you, this is the West coast.
San Fransisco is 5-6 hours away.
And so, I made the final step of telling the whole world here on my web site.
Or so I thought...
These days here in Arizona have changed me.
I have come to realize...
its not "situation" "upbringing" or "environment" that made me who I am.
As not all of my spirit is male.
I seriously believe this is the case with alot of us ladies.
These days, everyone knows. I tell everyone. Im an attention and photo whore. Teehee
I have tons of fashions in every style...Pretty, Naughty, PVC, Latex, Sissy
I make a HUGE & SERIOUS effort in looking good.
I was getting my face waxed for a few months but I've upgraded to Laser Hair Removal.
I even own expensive silicone breasts now.
I love being me and have recently decided to expand that.
I have done many photo shoots now, each looking better and better.
Since 2011, I started taking burlesque classes.
I really couldn't say why. Just seemed like fun I guess.
In the year and a half of classes with one teacher, I came across
someone I met through my friend Richard.
He name is Kitty Victorian. Owner of Burlesque University.
I changed classes to her school.
I graduated from Burlesque University in November 2013
I preformed for a year here at: Birthday Suit Burlesque in Phoenix , AZ
I have moved to Oregon in August 2015.
I love it here!
I am open for photo shoot, videos, etc.